And my wife will be having sex with a man she isn’t married to. We’re pretty excited about it; met them yesterday and almost got some play time in but it was REALLY late and our babysitter wasn’t available. This will be the cherry-popping of our swinging lifestyle. Write you tomorrow 🙂
The wife and I had a conversation last week and we’ve decided that we’re going to try “swinging”. For those not familiar with swinging, it is some variation of having sexual contact with another person, persons, group, all sorts of neat stuff. We had our first meet with a couple this past weekend, the entire point of it was to get to know them, let them get to know us, and enjoy each other’s company. They were pretty cool and we’ve planned to get together in the future. At this point, we’re only meeting people as couples, but willing to accept a single female. We’re open to full swap, soft swap (including oral), and same room sex. That seems like a nice way to start this adventure.
Some of you may wonder what the difference between this and affairs? I wondered why I would not be ok with the affairs, but ok with this as well. The primary difference: trust and consent. I consent to this and can trust her.
So approximately 5-6 days ago a few years ago occurred an event that was the catalyst for this blog starting, the day when I found out my wife was having affairs. A day or two ago is when we found out she was bipolar; it would be many, many more months before I could fully understand what that meant.
So I’m proud to say that I wasn’t even thinking about the “Discovery Day” anymore and instead concentrated on something much more important: breathing and enjoying my family. Here’s to hoping I can break the chains that have enslaved me around Christmas time. The first time she had a physical affair was 27 December, the day before our wedding anniversary. I don’t blame her anymore; I get it, I have an understanding of what happened and why. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, but I get it.
Been doing a lot of thinking about who I am and what I believe lately. Last month I finally admitted to myself that there just isn’t any possibility of me going back in any armed service, my brain injuries are just too great to overcome to be effective. Growing up all I wanted to do was be in the military for the rest of my life, and so when I got in to the military I never saw it ending. So now that I don’t have that “vision” of myself, I don’t know what to be, I have no goals in life because I always wanted to be in the military. I can’t be a Marine anymore, a least not an active or reserve one, I’ll just have to suffer being a veteran. That isn’t a “bad” thing, I just wanted to stay in until retirement.
bRaving Bipolar is doing well, medication changes occasionally, although she is pretty stressed after taking classes back to back. We are working with the Marine Corps’ Wounded Warrior Program to gather evidence and submit it to the Purple Heart Reclama board. The marines I was with when this happened:
meet the revised criteria for the Purple Heart because we were both knocked out and sick in quarters for longer than 48 hours. It was a 152mm artillery round hidden under tires that burnt down a trailer the day before, laid on the ground. Based on the distance from the tires (5 meters) and studies done on ordnance, there is no way that we would’ve remained conscious from the pressure produced from the blast wave. One of us was medically retired and the other 3 of us have had severe problems from the traumatic brain injury. After that I will attempt to negotiate some healthcare from the VA.
5 more days and I will be finished with my B of S degree. I haven’t had that kind of freedom since 2005. I lose $1400 every 3 months of income from the GI Bill, but I get no stress and tons of time to do whatever the fuck I want to do.
This is a weird post to write, for a number of reasons.
So, for those catching up, my wife had some more affairs in December 2014 during a short manic episode. I found out while she was in the hospital, also for the manic episode. I feel like I have taken it very well.
I did a LOT more research into bipolar disorder to understand the physiological goingson inside the brain before, during, and after a manic episode. I can’t “understand” it the same way she can because I’m not bipolar, but I have at least developed a level of understanding where I can separate her manic behaviors from her in my mind. So while I’m sad and angry about the affairs, I’m not angry at her. I know she doesn’t want to be like that, she wants to be on medication, she wants to be a good wife and a good mother.
I finish my degree in 6 days; I have a lot of hope that this will be a significant amount of stress relief and I will get to concentrate on my kids and wife.
She gets out of the psychiatric facility in 2 days.
My feelings about what’s going on right now are pretty weird. Worse and better than 2012.
I have two sets of feelings at the same time, separate, but equally strong.
I’m looking forward to having her come home so we can figure out how to move forward.