Descriptions of play dates and interesting observations…


So here’s the summary of the play dates I’ve had.  Enjoy and laugh!

Playdate 1 was a burnout.  Like bad.  We met them on Memorial Day, had a great hangout with them, at the end of the night they asked if we could get a babysitter (to play) we couldn’t.  We were going to set something up for the weekend.  Monday rolls around: I’m lifting and testing 1 rep max for deadlift that day, so at the end of the day I’m spent.  I go donate plasma (cause it pays for babysitters and such stuff) and get a text from bRaving that they want us to come over and play that night.  So I’m like ok.  We get there: she isn’t into me at all, she’s very awkward about the whole thing.  To top it off I had a little bit of vodka to cool my nerves about our first play date.  So bRaving kicks things off by making out with her, and eventually I end up kissing her (which she is good at) and we all move upstairs.  The girls trade giving eachother oral and at the time the guys got involved in iy bRaving was going down on number 1.  So I crawl on the best close to her and she gives me this horrified look and that killed any sexual desire I had in me; then she looks and sees her husband behind my wife and grabs my cock and starts stroking.  Some blood goes in and it gets a “little” hard, but not much.

She puts it in her mouth, still soft but it gets hard enough to put in her so I get a condom on.  She bends over the bed, clenches her ass and has this weird look of apprehension on her face and my dick stops working period.  So long story short, I sat on the sidelines and watched a threesome happen because she wasn’t really into it.  Embarassing and humiliating; it took a week to get over feeling like there was something wrong with me, because even my wife couldn’t get me hard that night.  However, the deadlifting, plasma donation and her lack of interest in anything to do with me is what was wrong.

Start with number 2:

She was a pleasantly thick girl mid twenties with a very small butt, height-weight proportionate, and 38D breasts.  She’s pretty wild, sexually aggressive and passionate.  I had good communication with her for a few days up to the play date.  Slow getting started but once it did, we were in their living room and she grinded on me while my wife grinded on her husband.  After that she ended up giving me head, I went down on her, started fucking her on the couch before everybody moved upstairs into separate bedrooms.

After some time on top she went to get my wife and they gave me a two-girl bj, then they went back to her husband for the same, then she came back to me while my wife stayed with her husband.  I fucked number 2 in the ass and came in her mouth.  This chic could literally suck a golfball through a garden hose.

It should be noted that we did not meet this couple beforehand, we met them and within an hour I was balls deep in her.  Very nice couple, we enjoyed them and they us, we’re trying to make another date happen.

Number 3 is about my height, 5’8 or 5’9 (I’m 5’10).  She is a former crossfitter that gained weight and is slowly coming back down while training for powerlifting.  She also had rather large breasts and a bunch of tattoos, particularly a tree that started on her left hip and ran around and up to her back and shoulders.  She has long hair on the top and shaved the sides and back so it’s more like a mohawk, but you can’t tell unless she bunches that hair up.  She is more submissive than I’ve ever really experienced.  If she wasn’t faking it, she really liked what I was doing when I went down on her (which I love doing by the way), and was very vocal and animated about it; she pounded the bed and grasped at covers a few times.  This play date was interesting because after we went through a few positions and I finished, bRaving and the other man were also finished, we laid on my bed and just cuddled with women in the middle.  It should be noted that all 4 of us were in the same room and using the same bed.  We really didn’t make contact between the couples, just two couples fucking, sucking or licking on the same bed.

Now number 3 is EXTREMELY responsive, and she warned me of this prior to the play date.  Just running my finger tips from her hip, up her side and back to her neck apparently got her worked up a lot.  We’re big kissers and so were they, so we spend a significant amount of time smashing faces together passionately (and I mean fucking PASSIONATELY).  She also let/asked me to choke her a little while we laid there, which she said she wouldn’t do beforehand, and that turned out to be a really big thing for her.  We had sex twice, tried to go for a third but it was just her and the other two were staring at us so I called it.

I had EXTREMELY good communication in the 3 days between first meet and play date, to the tune of literally spending all 3 days at work chatting with her on kik.  She allowed me to choke her and spank her during the first play date.  Caught her husband a little off guard because of how big trust and control is to her.  At one point I was behind her doing my thing, and occassionally spanking her.  Since she’s very vocal and VERY RECEPTIVE to what I was doing at one point bRaving, who was laying next to her because they were finished for that round, mentioned that I had been practicing spanking on her.  I asked number 3 if it was working and she didn’t break the moaning but her husband said “I think she’s saying yes”.  That caused all 4 of us to break out into hysterical laughter mid-fuck.  Great time.

Unfortunately due to a bad hang-out experience after that, we might not be able to play with them again, which sucks because I really enjoyed the entire play time experience.  We were supposed to hang out with them yesterday but things couldn’t line up.  I’m hoping we can repair the bruised egos and get back to being friends that fuck.  In summary though if you get a chance to have sex with a crossfitter, or a former crossfitter who is training to be a powerlifter, you should fucking do it.

Number 4 is probably my favorite, I’m not sure if I can put it in to words but I will try.

So in communication with them on Kik they told us that they weren’t married (no problem, not uncommon), had met 3 couples but never played with them before.  He is black, she is white, both in their late 30’s.  She is very thin, approximately 122 pounds and an a or b cup breasts.  She has a bunch of tattoos all over her body.  She is a very passionate lover, kisses great, uses her hands great, and smells great.  She is the whole package.  I’ve never been with a woman who was as small/skinny as she is, so it was a new experience for me.  She was also very into the oral I was giving her, and she gives really good head that doesn’t leave my balls aching for a day or two after like number 2 did.

After I went down on her and she went down on me, I leaned forward, got her upright and pulled her down on me for some passionate kissing and embracing before I told her I wanted to be in her; she put the condom on and stayed on top.  That girl can fuck from the top.  She also seemed to like it when I reached up behind her and grabbed her shoulders, pulling her down on to me when I would trust up.  After that I got on top, we had a laugh because I’m used to baby having a little more back, so we had to get a pillow to put under her butt and lift her pelvis up a little bit.  Then bent her over the side of the bed and things went a little awry for me after about 10 minutes of her being bent over-it was clear that the meds I am taking for chronic migraines weren’t going to let me achieve orgasm or even stay hard, so I asked for a break, which she was happy before because her head was spinning.

She couldn’t recover from the spinning head so we called it a night after laying next to eachother bullshitting about books, movies and favorite actors.  We were in separate rooms and I had her all to myself.  At the beginning bRaving and number 4’s boyfriend went back to a bedroom and number 4 and I sat on the couch for a little while longer and talked before she asked me to go back.  The way she kissed, touched and moved is probably what made this my favorite.  Very sensual, very passionate, all pleasure.  A few hours after we left they said the definitely wanted to play again.  So I’m working hard to make that one happen.

Among the myriad of potentials we’ve run into, we’ve had to make some priorities over others.  We’re a member of a kik group and since we’re “new meat” we get a lot of attention.  I think we’ve got a solid core group of couples that we like to play with, so everybody else can get in line.

Observations:

-everybody in the same bed can be fun because two couples having sex can be 4 people having sex (I don’t do man on man), with interaction between the two couples or switching easily.

-separate rooms is much more intimate and I think a better way for first play dates because you get to know your play mate and get comfortable being in that setting with them.

-seeing/hearing my wife pleasure another man and get pleasured by another man is not traumatic like I thought it could be, even when you consider the affairs she’s had during our marriage.  Its actually kind hot because I’m not far away doing the same thing

-this has made me feel more confident about expressing what I want about anything, I feel like something that just never came up is now easy to talk about and I don’t feel guilty or ashamed to have certain desires or needs.

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Remembering the shock of it all…


I was just talking to bRaving Bipolar on the phone about our trip through bipolar land since she’s been diagnosed in April 2012, and a little before that since she had a manic episode starting in December 2011.  

 

I slowly saw my life come apart around me and I wondered what had happened to me that I missed all of the gradual changes that made everything from what it was when we got married, to what it was when she started having the manic episode.  It was as if I woke up and in my mind had missed years of the marriage and she was angry with me.  I could never do anything right, I was unattractive (she told me this, more than once, fucking ouch), and I spent every evening she was at work (5 or 6 a week) literally trying to figure out how to change myself or do things differently to make her happier and to make her want me and love me again.  

 

The rational thought never crossed my mind that something was wrong with her until mid January when we were conversing about something and she mentioned that she would have sex with other men if I didn’t have a problem with her doing it because it was “just sex”, there was no emotion involved.  Now I could’ve reacted a few different ways, and I haven’t always reacted the best to new information from her.  Realistically, berating your spouse for having a fantasy is probably a good way to NOT hear about the rest of them.  I think my cold, tingly internal feeling and “what the fuck?” was more appropriate having been told in the last month how wrong I was doing things and how unattractive I was-I felt threatened and I’d just heard that the only reason she wasn’t having sex with other men was because it would offend me.  In my head, if her reasoning had fallen to making me responsible for that choice, eventually she’d make the choice on her own and do it anyway.

 

A few weeks later she was spending a TON of time on her phone and sitting in ways that I couldn’t see the screen.  It was weird because she was getting emails or texts at a rate faster than I could count (which I later found out, was at a rate faster than she could count either, even in her manic state).  That lasted into the evening, I woke up and saw her on the phone in the middle of the night, and the same thing the entire next day.  I went to the store to get something and saw a weird email address that had the phone number as the name, and it was a number I didn’t recognize.  I had the password to her gmail accounts, so I checked out the inbox: nothing unusual; checked out the sent items: bingo.  She’d sent some sexy pictures of herself to an address I hadn’t seen before, but could piece together because it was the month and day of her birth (in 4-digit format) and her initials.  I convinced her to put the kids to bed, grabbed her phone and opened her gmail app; nothing.  Opened the browser, saw the gmail and subject lines, and died inside.  

 

The 2 months after that were probably the weirdest months of my life.  I don’t know that I have words to describe them.  I was in such a state of emotional shock that I would cry while driving to work, and dread coming home, but I was “happy” that we weren’t getting a divorce and that I was reaching out and getting a little revenge on one of those mother fuckers she was emailing who violated my sleeping area; not a physical violation.  On top of this she had started to tell me about her hypersexuality, which I had kinda been experiencing (finally, I felt attractive again!) but we didn’t know what it was, only that she was so sexually excited by anybody that showed interest that she would shake (her words).  

 

The only way that I can think of to describe it is being completely numb to the world without being drunk, not caring about anything that goes on around you, laughing at inappropriate situations, and happily embracing the impending doom with a Heath-Ledger’s-joker-like smile.  Madness.  

 

At the end of the 2 months she was acting weird again and writing excessive amounts in her “therapy” journal, and the next day it wasn’t laying about in the open like it usually was, so I figured some shit was going down, or was about to go down, and something was in the journal that I should know.  I read the journal, found out about the affairs, and felt my emotional heart beat for the first time in months.  I was PISSED THE FUCK OFF.  The next day we went to see her therapist, a previously scheduled appointment, and her psychiatrist, and she was diagnosed bipolar.  I really didn’t give a shit at the moment, I was still dealing with my own feelings.  I probably shouldn’t have gone with her.  It took me a few days, but I did finally start to read about what bipolar was and what that meant for us and our kids.

 

Anyways, I’m going to get back to slaying kids on Battlefield 4 and wait for bRaving to come home from dinner with her bipolar support group.  It’s so nice to have everybody back under the same roof again 🙂

1 year and 4 days ago


16 April 2012 was probably one of the worst days of my life.  Prior to that it was 15 April 2006, followed by 19 February 2012.  15 April 2006 is the day three Marines in my platoon died in Iraq.  19 February 2012 is when I discovered my wife had set up an alternate email account and online dating profile an was 18 hours away from meeting another man in the area for sex in a hotel–during the work day, while paying for a babysitter.  Prior to 19Feb I discovered a text message sent to her from her boss, with a video of him masturbating attached, and a picture she had taken of her lady parts within 2 minutes of receipt of that picture. 

16 April was an interesting day.  Late night 15 April and early morning 16 April I woke up to her writing in her “therapy journal” by phone light.  This isn’t something she normally does, and ever since I know she had been emailing that man in February while I was sleeping next to her, seeing her phone on in the middle of the night was and will continue to be a trigger of anxiety for me.  Throughout the day I noticed that her journal was not left out in a random place like it usually was; my suspicions started to rise and when she went to work that evening, I put the kids in bed and went hunting.  It took about 30 seconds to find it, in the first place I looked.  After I found it I flipped to the less-worn pages to find the newest entry(ies).  About 5 seconds in to it, I thought I was literally going to die.

“I’ve slept with y boss, 4 times…” was the first secret in Pandora’s Box.  While reading I lost the ability to hear anything but rushing wind and my own heartbeat-not the kids playing happily in their rooms and not the kid’s show on the tv.  The next thing I see is that she slept with him the first time on the day before our wedding anniversary, which happens to be 2 days after Christmas.  I couldn’t think, didn’t want to think, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t stand up, I couldn’t eat, drink, couldn’t do anything but read more. 

Strangely though, for a brief glorious moment, I felt validated, and good about myself.  All the lies she told me about what I was suspecting, and all the misery I put myself through trying to “better” myself and correct all of the faults she continually reminded me of, and how crazy I was driving myself because I KNEW she was doing it but I refused to believe it, it ALL was wrong and I didn’t have to believe my head, I could trust my instincts again because I KNEW what was going on the whole time, even if I didn’t know all the details.

So here I am feeling a little down because i a few days I’ll have 3 Marines to mourn, followed by the 1 year anniversary, or antiversary of finding out, from words written by her own hand, about the affairs.

Braving, I’m sure you’ll read this-don’t fret, I’m not upset with you, these are just feelings that will go away with time, so just keep doing what you’ve been doing because it’s been making me feel good.

“I am the Master of my fate; I am the Captain of my soul.”

Pick one


Feeling a little weird today, I was in an exceptionally good mood this morning.  I woke up and immediately began nursing a Rockstar Recovery drink this morning, then went to the gym at work, then went to work.  I took my welbutrin, which I thought would make me feel poopy, but I ended up feeling good all day.  Except for staring at a computer screen all day.

Going to call the Dr tomorrow and see if I can come down off of the anti-depressant and switch to something for as-it-occurs anxiety.  Being sad all the time isn’t my problem anymore, it’s the onslaught of anxiety attacks that I’m getting, which eventually lead to being sad and emotional.

Still working on communication with bRaving Bipolar.  Sometimes it is difficult for me to describe what I REALLY want, and so I end up describing what I want that will GET me what I want by proxy.  Like sex.  I want the sexual intimacy back, but what I really want is to be desired and lusted after again, to have that closeness that comes with having sexual intimacy, and I feel that the more I get those things, the less I am apt to think about the affairs.  It is still a rollercoaster.  I feel insanely bad about it for a few hours, then I get over it and stop torturing myself about why I, in my emotional state, think she isn’t having sex with me.  I told her I want to express how I feel but most of the time I don’t know how to do it without making her mood crash, and so I don’t at all.  We had to cancel a marriage therapy appointment due to a hurricane, and may have inadvertently missed another last week.  We have one coming up on Monday, so we’re looking forward to it.

I offered to go see the new Twilight series movie with her next week.  It isn’t really my series, but she loves it and I want to be involved and interested in things that she likes.  Reluctantly she started telling me about her Ken Follet book that she was reading, some trilogy. I can’t remember the title of it (not Pillars of the Earth), but I know that the second book came out in September of this year and she bought it today to read on the kindle app for her phone.  I like being involved with things she is interested in; I don’t have to like the thing but I really enjoy hearing how much she does.

On a really high point, I traded my Glock 17 and EOTech 552 for a Heckler & Koch HK45C (Compact).  Phenomenal pistol.  Will detail it on another post.

Slipping under


Been a rough go the last couple of weeks.  bRaving Bipolar told me last week that sometimes she feels like I’m asking her to “buy” some of the time out of the house that I offer her/suggest with sex.  This came up when she asked to get her nails done before work, I suggested that she leave early and go to dinner before work, and subsequently told her if she was in “the mood” that I’d like to before she left or after she got back.  I can understand how she could feel that way; I did my best to assure her that I don’t do anything with the expectation that she’ll have sex with me because of it.  On the flip side, I tend to go above and beyond around the house hoping that she will reward me with sex.  Since she made that comment last sunday, my sex drive plummeted.  Then I had the most awkward sex (with my wife of course) I’ve ever had a few nights ago and it’s virtually gone.

She still has an emotional burden and flashbacks of things she did in her manic episode which prevent her from really participating or enjoying sex.  I feel broken and undesired, she doesn’t really pursue me, sex usually starts with a “do you want to have sex” or “we have to do this tonight, do that tonight, have sex, take a shower” in what sounds like a slightly annoyed tone that most people use when they verbally list out things that they don’t want to do before they go to sleep.

We were also incorrectly told by a VA representative to expect $650 the first week of this month.  When the money didn’t come I called the VA and the person I talked to informed me that it would be the first week of November.  We could have really used that money; our daily “meals” combined together equaled about what a single meal should be.  We’ve gotten really behind since I took my leave of absence from school and stopped getting the GI Bill benefits.

Last week I also stopped taking the Restoril because those nightmares and dreams were just getting to be too much, and the time it took to tell the difference between what I was dreaming and what reality actually is after I woke up was getting longer and longer, and arguably could have gotten violent.  I can’t remember posting about it here previously, but on Restoril I would have EXTREMELY vivid dreams and nightmares.  I was “aware” in them, in that I could control what I did, my thought process and how I reacted.  I could not escape the feeling of anxiety, fear, or a sense of lack of control.  The dreams/nightmares were always active with things that would cause anxiety, fear and a sense of no control, such as fighting, dreaming that my wife moved one of the affair partners into the house one day while I was at work and acted as if he had taken my place, losing my kids, losing my job, losing my health.  When I would wake up from the dream/nightmare, there would be a period of time that I could not tell the difference between the dream and reality.  Sound weird yet?  Let me continue.

When I opened my eyes upon waking, I could obviously tell that I was in my bedroom.  The bedroom then became part of the dream.  In that period of time, there was no house surrounding the bedroom, no back yard, no hallway; everything literally outside of my bedroom was the dream world.  I would eventually get to a point where something would “pull” at me and remind me that something wasn’t real; either the bedroom and the reality it represents, or the dreamworld outside the bedroom.  I would have to literally tell myself that my bedroom was real and everything outside of it wasn’t.  As time went on, the time it took for me to come back to reality increase; my phone was beside me and when in its dock it displays the time.  The worst transition I had was when I was up looking for someone that I was sure was in my house.  I dreamed that I came home to my wife in bed with another woman, and that after they were done I got in bed and we all went to sleep.  When I woke up and it was still dark, I naturally wondered where the chic went; so I got up and started stalking through the house, listening for sounds indicating she was there and looking for signs that she had been there.  When I covered every room and closet, I opened the door and looked out front; no car.  So I realized it was just a dream and went back to bed.  I think we’re pretty lucky that there wasn’t another woman in the house; when I checked downstairs and couldn’t find her, I went upstairs with the intention of being violent when I found her-only my children sleep upstairs and there would have been no reason for her to be up there.

Sometimes they were fun, enjoyable, fulfilling.  Imagine walking in a world that looks like this:

I did; it brought the kind of joy and peace that I’ve only felt from one other place in all of my travels.

Speaking of that place, I started EMDR in therapy last week and my therapist verbally described a “safe” place for me while I kept my eyes closed, imagined it in my head and tried to allow my senses to experience what I would experience if I were there.  I already have one, and I find it interesting that it was in one of the most dangerous places I could be at the time: Iraq, just outside of Saqlawiyah.  It may have something to do with the fact that I word protection, in the form of body armor, so I didn’t feel “naked” and I had the means and authority to retaliate against anything that I felt threatened by, and retaliate with the kind of force that brings finality with it.

Work is work, no harder than usual.  bRaving Bipolar is working only on the weekends and only during the day shift so we are getting good time to strengthen our emotional intimacy and in general enjoy each other’s company.  This is nice, because she has demonstrated the ability to take over things when I get overwhelmed from work, school and the kids, several times over the last few months, which is very relieving.  We are finding that more often than not, we maintain a balance between responsibility and tasks; whenever she’s feeling overwhelmed I find it easier to take over so that she can rest, when I feel overwhelmed she finds it easier to do the same.  I am very thankful for that.

I love her so much, I just wish we could be physically intimate now.  I want back what was taken from me and I feel as if I’m being punished even though I didn’t do anything wrong.  We’re working on it, and she tries very hard.  Thanks for your hard work babe.  I see it; it goes a long way.