bRaving went to her support group party this past weekend, and I was sick so I stayed home. At this party she had 9 shots of Fireball whiskey, and came home a VERY sad drunk; tears and everything. The next day she was extremely depressed.
Reminded me of the manic cycle we had in 2011-2012. Fucking sucked.
I’d been worried all day Sunday and a bit the last few days.
Mostly my own emotional reactions to a reminder from how bad it was back then when we didn’t know what was going on, but also an extreme feeling of…
I felt like I couldn’t do anything but let it happen.
Can’t remember the last time I posted! We are back in marriage therapy, for maintenance of our marriage and improve communication. We missed our second therapy appointment yesterday because a perfect storm of stupidity at work preventing me from leaving early, and extremely abnormal traffic on the road. The homeschooling effort is going well, we actually kinda shifted to “unschooling”. I won’t provide a detailed explanation of that here; suffice to say that the kids are much happier learning about what they want to learn. Speaking of which, the wife and two oldest kids are going on a Homeschool Field Trip with another friend who also home schools, to D.C.. They’re going to check out the various monuments, museums and other educational spots there.
On the plus side, New Balance exchanged the Minimus 3090v3 shoes that had a defect, and I got the Minimus 20v3 Crosstrainers. Nice, because I can run again without killing my feet.
bRaving Bipolar is doing ok. She doesn’t like the cold weather, and is waiting for the spring weather. She’s like a cat sometimes; she will lay on the floor in the sun. She has taken to swimming over the last 6 months and has greatly improved her technique; she used to be afraid to stick her face in the water. We have had some extremely volatile weather lately; in the 70’s one day and an ice storm a day later.
Our oldest son gets his cast off next week, so hopefully his arm is ok!
So, what’s been happening with my family lately? bRaving Bipolar started her Masters program, Industrial Organizational Psychology, and I continue my undergrad level education with my second set of courses that are enrolled and paid for exactly like they are supposed to be. Since I started with my current university I took my first set of classes as the system intended, and after that I had to take a leave of absence, and get an extension for the same courses when I returned and started them over. After that I started with some classes about religious extremism and threat assessment. She also recently quit her job, and has been contemplating changing her degree. Initially I was very apprehensive about it because I was worried that it was not a logical conclusion; now I am on board with it. We have a basic weekly schedule format in which she has scheduled time to do school work during the week, and I can take some if I need to during the week but for sure on the weekend. Since we have the weekends free now, we will be doing more family activities together, like going to the ymca gym, the zoo, playground, or mall play area. The stress we were under with her going to work was much greater than the stress we would be under if we did not have her tip money coming in every week. We should be getting bRaving’s car back on the road after her being stuck at the house every day for 4 months. That will be a big step in the right direction for her and the two kids she is at home with. We are focusing on getting control of our daily and nightly routines right now, they are a source of much stress. The house was a wreck for much of last year, chores didn’t get done, and we didn’t keep up with things. Right now we’re at a point where we can push through the anxiety we have about a lot of things, such as making a family budget, and organize our lives again. I wanted to expand on taking control of our daily and nightly routines a little bit. I’ve been doing a lot of things independently of bRaving, such as the food I eat for dinner, what I do before bed, staying up a little later, wanting to go places by myself. I was worried at first but did a little soul searching and what is really happening is that I am trying to figure out how to take care of myself. This came out of one of our last few marriage therapy appointments; bRaving complained that I did too much and she felt like I spent all of my time taking care of her. So what I did was pull most of my influence out of her decision making process and just “monitor” as it happened and gave my input when asked. This also gave me a little independence to pursue my own activities and think of things I wanted to do for myself instead of for her. Not that I was doing anything bad, and I wasn’t trying to influence her to come to a particular conclusion, I was simply trying to facilitate an environment that was relatively stress free so she could conduct the decision making process. That was my level of influence. So to help facilitate it I would give nightly massages, send her out of the house a few times a week, get up with the kids more often, take them out so she could sleep, make her cards (I made an awesome one, I will post it later). So I’ve been trying to do things to make ME happy, and because they need to be done, not because she would be happy if they get done. I bought some new clothes today and included were a pair of jeans; I haven’t worn blue jeans in about 3 years. Hope to go to the indoor pistol range soon and pop some rounds off. Got some pomegranate and cranberry juice today, and bRaving picked up that bottle of Vodka. I’m going to have a good night. I hope I can put my CPAP mask on (if I hadn’t mentioned that I got diagnosed with sleep apnea, there you go).
“I am the Master of my fate; I am the Captain of my soul.”