Update to the depression…

Talked to her doctor, and the doctor thinks that bRaving’s night of drinking temporarily altered her brain chemistry.

So far she’s on her way back up and as near as I can tell, it’s going well.

We talked a little bit about how her depression was affecting her, and she mentioned that she had suicidal ideations. Of course, that term may mean something different for each person, so I asked her to explain. I won’t list the explanation here, because I think that’s a bit too personal and not really my info to tell. Suffice to say, I was a little shocked, but in a good way, at least now I know.

So, she recently picked up more work with her at-home job of social media management. I’m proud of her and I hope we can deal with the stress of catching up history with her new clients. 3 of my classes are ending tomorrow, 2 more started on the 1st of August. Those 2 new classes are the last of my major, and will end on 15 October. On 1 October I will start 2 more classes, the last 2 classes of my undergrad, and will officially be done with my undergrad on 15 December.

I’ve been working at it 1 or 2 classes at a time, from scratch, for 7 years. I don’t know how I’ll feel after I get it.

Rape-blaming: You probably won’t like what I have to say

If you missed the Stuebenville rape, a 16 year old girl got so drunk that she essentially blacked out and was raped by two high school football players, who also took pictures/videos of their vile act(s) and disseminated them via social media outlets.  Serena Williams was quoted by the rollings Stones (which I am quoting from http://www.celebuzz.com/2013-06-18/im-not-blaming-the-girl-but-serena-williams-weighs-in-on-the-steubenville-rape-case/  ) as saying 

“We watch the news for a while, and the infamous Steubenville rape case flashes on the TV — two high school football players raped a 16-year-old, while other students watched and texted details of the crime. Serena just shakes her head. “Do you think it was fair, what they got? They did something stupid, but I don’t know. I’m not blaming the girl, but if you’re a 16-year-old and you’re drunk like that, your parents should teach you — don’t take drinks from other people. She’s 16, why was she that drunk where she doesn’t remember? It could have been much worse. She’s lucky. Obviously I don’t know, maybe she wasn’t a virgin, but she shouldn’t have put herself in that position, unless they slipped her something, then that’s different.”

Today I had the privilege of being educated about Sexual Assault Prevention and Response for the Navy and Marine Corps; essentially, the effect of sexually-based crimes on victims, units and the service itself.  The problem I saw with the training, which is the same problem I see about all the criticism of Serena, is that nobody is telling the victim how to avoid being a victim.  Notice I said avoid; it can still happen, and in no way did I assign blame to the victim.  I’ll provide two analogies:

If you’re a Marine in Afghanistan and in a firefight decide to stand up while rounds are coming up range and going down range, you increase the likelihood that you will be killed.  You didn’t pull the trigger that fired the round that ultimately killed you, but you stood up and made yourself an easier target for an enemy rifleman.  Conversely, when you get so intoxicated, voluntarily or ignorantly (by accepting a drink from someone else, a drink that could be drugged), you have increased the likelihood that you will be victimized.  You could still get killed in a firefight even if you keep your head down and do everything right; you could still be raped even if you stayed sober, was never alone with any person, and made frequent use of communication devices to confirm your status.  

Targeting for predators is a complex process; even if it is a subconscious process, they will select a target that will allow them to achieve their goal.   A target with a group of friends, not drinking alcohol, refusing drinks handed to them or not consuming liquid at all will make a harder target to attack.  

Analogy 2: you can drive your car as safely as you want, but a person who is careless or with malice cause a vehicular collision; either their car with your car, your car with someone else’s, or you car with other objects and terrain.  If you encounter a driver with road rage the safest thing to do is call the police and follow their instructions; if you engage the driver in your own version of road rage, you’re making yourself vulnerable to injury or death over your own sense of pride.

So in summary: certain things you do, or fail to do, will increase your odds of being victimized by a man, woman, or group of people.  This may not have anything to do with sex at all; could be identity theft, asset theft, or general mischief.  This doesn’t make you at fault for their criminal acts.  The Marine Corps has learned since 1775 that if you stand in the open in front of your enemy while he’s shooting at you, you’re going to get shot, and it has subsequently evolved the style of warfare it practices in accordance with the missions it is tasked with accomplishing.  If you want to go drinking, go with trusted friends, have a security plan, have contingency plans, and have a limit.  If you don’t feel right, call an ambulance.  

You cannot carelessly blow through life thinking that everything is everybody else’s fault and that everybody else MUST take responsibility for themselves so that you can get black-out drunk; YOU need to watch out for YOU.

1 Bourbon, 1 Scotch, and 1 Beer

The last two weeks have been hell with migraines, and stress, enough so that I finally decided to go back to my doctor and get a preventative and rescue med.  Before that I was on wellbutrin for about a year, and nothing could save me from those migraines, but they were necessary.  I went to a Patient First a few days ago, thinking I wouldnt be able to see my primary care doctor in time, and the dude thought I was full of shit about my headaches and migraines.  He asked me if I had a headache or migraine at the moment and I said headache, but it will turn in to a migraine.  He asked how I know that, with that smug “you’re out of your damn mind” look.  Gave me nothing but a place to spend 20 bucks on copay. I am back on I can’t remember what right now because I’m on Bud Light Platinum numero 3 for preventative, and fioricet for rescue.  Fioricet wors, had to use it already this week.

In other news I have burnt myself out trying to save bRaving Bipolar from stress.  It was also necessary, and I don’t regret it, but I’m falling behind a little bit, about 3 days, in school and she’s letting me use the weekend to make that time up.  I am happy that I can take so much punishment so that she does not have to, but when the time has come for me to recharge MAN do I go downhill fast.  

I also took over the bills at the house and am doing “ok” for now.  We were already having some financial problems, but my GI Bill housing allowance and her student aid are helpig us get current, and within the next three months won’t have anything that is past-due. 

Speaking of my school stuff, in June I will begin 3 classes at one time, undergrad, and bRaving will drop back down to one grad class at a time.  I will have some overlap in June, 2 weeks of 5 classes at one time.  It will shave a month off of how long it will take me to finish.

PS if you are not familiar with the song that my post title came from…your fun card has been revoked until you redeem yourself.