The “discovery” that led to D-Day 1


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A simple phone number/email address written on a piece of paper, in the front seat of my trailblazer. I may have not ever laid eyes on it had I not decided to go to a 7/11 and get a soda. I was confused when I saw it because it made no sense; she wasn’t in school and she had no reason to email ANYTHING to ANY of her coworkers (no reason that I could fathom at the time). She had been using her phone excessively that day, and when I started to think about it she always sat, or turned the phone, so that I couldn’t see the screen. Anyways, I logged in to her email and didn’t see any unusual incoming traffic; I looked at her sent items and saw the most recent recipient had a strange email address.

That email address was a combination of her initials and the month and day of her birth. The attachments in that email were pictures of her in “sexy clothing”. Later in the evening she put the kids to bed and left her phone down stairs, so while she was with the kids I got on her phone and opened up her email app; no mystery account there. I opened the internet browser on her phone; bingo. What I saw after that was horrifying; reading the emails from men around our area trying to have sex with her, and her responses trying to do the same. I sent an email to that account from mine, something to the effect of “Hi, this is your husband, who is Shawn?”. I couldn’t wait, I let her kow that I knew while she was still upstairs. She didn’t come down for about 15 minutes.

I forgot about this phone number until I saw that bRaving had thrown some stuff away, and this was right on top. This one hurt extra special because it was a Marine in Camp Lejeune, 4 hours south of us. I work with and see Marines 5 days a week. I had his name from the emails, and with that information it wouldn’t take more than 15 minutes to find him after I got back to work. Maybe not literally his room, but that isn’t what I meant; he knew she was married and still pursued her, which is a violation of 2 articles of the UCMJ, which I also informed him, and that I could forward a neatly packaged gathering of evidence to his battalion commander. Why bother with company level, the real punishment starts at battalion, and regimental would be too high.

Anyways, we are struggling financially, still, but we have a better idea of what we are capable of and not capable of financially. We are arguing about the money a little bit. I feel like my perception of her intent is different than what she means, but lately it feels as if everybody is up my ass about everything, her included, and it makes me feel about as capable as a 2 year old. She keeps talking about pushing me to do things that are uncomfortable, but I don’t think she fully appreciates the person I’ve evolved in to since last year.

I don’t like being pushed because I don’t feel like I’m being given the time or space to emotionally deal with whatever it is that is causing me stress, and getting pushed in to action before I’m ready just makes it worse for me, not better.

We are also stressed due to the amount of classwork we have. She has 2 graduate level courses, I have 2 undergrad, and I just started 3 additional undergrad courses.

We are dealing with it fairly well. Arguments aren’t fights, we don’t go to bed angry or upset with each other, and we had some really hot sex the other night. Started moving stuff in to the storage unit so we can get the house ready to sell.

“I am the Master of my fate; I am the Captain of my soul.”

A little over a year…


It’s been a little over a year since I started this blog, by over a year I mean only by a few days. Last year in April I celebrated the life, and mourned the loss, of 3 Marines on the 15th, found out my wife was having multiple affairs on the 16th, and half of my family forgot or didn’t say anything to me on my birthday, the 28th.  Over time this blog evolved into more of a personal venting and thought-discharging space.  That isn’t a bad thing, it just means that the blog has been what I needed it to be when I needed it to be different.  While there are a number of bloggers that I’ve received constructive input and conversation from, Samantha Baker and Beautiful Mess have been some of the most supportive people in my recovery as a betrayed husband, through blogging and participation on Samantha’s website/forum After The Betrayal.  

So, what is in store for the next year?  I’ll change things as I see fit.  Starting with posting more.  I get on WordPress every few days now, which is a huge change from 10+ times a day when I first started blogging.  I hope to write some more posts about my endeavor to learn more about bRaving Bipolar’s illness, and what is unique to her as someone who “has the bipolar”.  

This post wouldn’t be complete without thanking bRaving Bipolar for her continued commitment to me and all the progress we’ve made.  There have been abrasive periods of time, but we’ve done a good job in therapy of understanding what made it abrasive in the first place, our great communication.