Weekend Update

So, what’s been happening with my family lately? bRaving Bipolar started her Masters program, Industrial Organizational Psychology, and I continue my undergrad level education with my second set of courses that are enrolled and paid for exactly like they are supposed to be. Since I started with my current university I took my first set of classes as the system intended, and after that I had to take a leave of absence, and get an extension for the same courses when I returned and started them over. After that I started with some classes about religious extremism and threat assessment. She also recently quit her job, and has been contemplating changing her degree. Initially I was very apprehensive about it because I was worried that it was not a logical conclusion; now I am on board with it. We have a basic weekly schedule format in which she has scheduled time to do school work during the week, and I can take some if I need to during the week but for sure on the weekend. Since we have the weekends free now, we will be doing more family activities together, like going to the ymca gym, the zoo, playground, or mall play area. The stress we were under with her going to work was much greater than the stress we would be under if we did not have her tip money coming in every week. We should be getting bRaving’s car back on the road after her being stuck at the house every day for 4 months. That will be a big step in the right direction for her and the two kids she is at home with. We are focusing on getting control of our daily and nightly routines right now, they are a source of much stress. The house was a wreck for much of last year, chores didn’t get done, and we didn’t keep up with things. Right now we’re at a point where we can push through the anxiety we have about a lot of things, such as making a family budget, and organize our lives again. I wanted to expand on taking control of our daily and nightly routines a little bit. I’ve been doing a lot of things independently of bRaving, such as the food I eat for dinner, what I do before bed, staying up a little later, wanting to go places by myself. I was worried at first but did a little soul searching and what is really happening is that I am trying to figure out how to take care of myself. This came out of one of our last few marriage therapy appointments; bRaving complained that I did too much and she felt like I spent all of my time taking care of her. So what I did was pull most of my influence out of her decision making process and just “monitor” as it happened and gave my input when asked. This also gave me a little independence to pursue my own activities and think of things I wanted to do for myself instead of for her. Not that I was doing anything bad, and I wasn’t trying to influence her to come to a particular conclusion, I was simply trying to facilitate an environment that was relatively stress free so she could conduct the decision making process. That was my level of influence. So to help facilitate it I would give nightly massages, send her out of the house a few times a week, get up with the kids more often, take them out so she could sleep, make her cards (I made an awesome one, I will post it later). So I’ve been trying to do things to make ME happy, and because they need to be done, not because she would be happy if they get done. I bought some new clothes today and included were a pair of jeans; I haven’t worn blue jeans in about 3 years. Hope to go to the indoor pistol range soon and pop some rounds off. Got some pomegranate and cranberry juice today, and bRaving picked up that bottle of Vodka. I’m going to have a good night. I hope I can put my CPAP mask on (if I hadn’t mentioned that I got diagnosed with sleep apnea, there you go).

“I am the Master of my fate; I am the Captain of my soul.”

Sleep Study Partu Duex

Now I get to go sleep with a CPAP mask on, and the same wire attachment array as before.  I’ll post some pictures tomorrow maybe.
Our 7 year anniversary is next week, and falls on a Friday, which also happens to be my regular day off. I am hoping that I can get through the 27th ok. That is the one year anniversary of “that” day.
We are in a good spot right now. There are some things I would like to see change, but I can wait patiently because when other things get sorted out, the changes I’d like to make may happen automatically. We have been spending good time together lately and watching old Saturday night live episodes.before bed, so we go to sleep after a lot of laughing. Other than seeing the date on the calendar and knowing what happened, and the.occasional thoughts that occur when I’m unoccupied, I have had very little reminder of the affairs and am at a place where I feel like I can really begin to understand how my wife’s symptoms work; what triggers them, what calms them, what worsens them. At the very least I know that she loves massages and hates people on facebook at about 6pm.
Been feeling burned out after work lately. I’m working pretty far outside the established orders and regulations, by necessity, because they don’t cover situations like this. More of a case of not wanting to be the focal point of decisions and responsibility all day long right now. Not just at work, but at home too. It can be frustrating when I’m asked for information from people all day, and pushed for information and decisions by family members. Like a recent road trip: my mom, dad and grandma wanted us to drive to a place 3 hours away from us, because it was closer to them, so they could give the kids their presents. We proposed a place that was a 3 hour drive for them and a 2 hour drive for us. Somebody was driving 3 hours and another was driving 2. Here’s the catch: I had a proctored final on my religious extremism class early that evening, and they wouldn’t be leaving until 11. So we cancelled, and my mom immediately began pushing me for a decision on another meeting place and time, and so did my wife. Eventually a solution presented itself, but not before I got a little disappointed in myself for making the decision to not make a decision (yes, that is a decision you can make-always 3 options in a “this” of “that” choice).