So as I lay next to my sleeping girlfriend, and bRaving is laying next to her boyfriend, I can’t help but happily wonder what life will being in the future.
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Things are going swimmingly
Today we sent our kids to the first day of school for this school year.
My migraines are still all over the place and I sometimes worry if our partners are concerned about them. My wife is understanding and my partner is also understanding about it. Many times I’ll get a panic attack with the migraine. Not cool.
Speaking of my partner, we are all in a very happy quad relationship. No man on man, that was unanimous. They live 6 minutes away, have kids that are similar aged to mine, and my kids love playing with them.
So bRaving (my wife) went with space wizard (her partner) to get their nipples pierced, and I must say, bRaving’s piercings look good. That Halo chic (my partner) got her lip pierced, so we couldn’t kiss for a few days, but I think it’s mostly better now.
We’ve been using more than two as a resource and are members of a polyamorous group on Facebook to observe and ask questions. The experience has been very positive and fulfilling. Not only are our partners great in bed, we REALLY enjoy our time with them out of bed. Last time she was over we played split screen Halo 4 online. She is a force to be reckoned with.
Swinging evolution: exclusive relationship status
So remember that couple I wrote about last post? The couple more rare than a unicorn? We all have mutually agreed to enter an exclusive relationship. So what does that mean?
Great question, glad you asked.
I don’t know.
We’ve been reading and researching separately and talking among each other to try and figure out what that means. Are there new rules? Are there new boundaries? If so, what are they? Obviously exclusive means we aren’t playing with other couples, which bRaving and I had already said we didn’t want to. bRaving is over with who I’ll refer to as manicorn and they’ve done some talking, and she wanted to detail it but her phone was dying, so I’ll find out later. Femicorn is working tonight, so I’m a home with the kids and some beer (Blue Moon: Summer Honey Wheat for those curious souls out there). One term that seems to stick is poly.
Found a couple more rare than a unicorn…
Found a couple that lives 5 minutes away, is a little bit younger than us, and is pretty much open to anything we want to do. We met them on a saturday and let our kids play in an indoor jungle-gym place that I wish existed when I was their age. We hit things off good; the next night they came over and we all played in the same room. Little awkwardness, we were their second full swap couple, and the first time they swapped sober. The husband literally said, we’re here, do what you want with us. There were a couple of bro-fists between he and I as we both had our way with the other’s wife.
Two nights later we evolved a few rules. Pretty risky, but has turned out well. So rules we bent: solo play, protection, and babysitters. We’ve played in separate rooms before and generally prefer it, but I won’t deny that it can be hot seeing my wife do what she likes, and there can be some fun and funny moments when everybody plays as a group. The protection rule was something that we thought about eventually offering to a couple that we wanted to be FWB with, and turns out that they were looking for the same thing. So we offered it to them, and left it up to them; I was in for a treat that evening. She came over, we kissed and groped, then she went down on me for a minute and told me she wanted to ride me on the couch and asked me if I needed to get anything. When I said “only if you want me to” she said no, and so I insisted we let my wife and her husband know so they could enjoy the same. Holy shit. Fantastic. On the babysitters: they are expensive when you have 3 kids. We waited until kids went to sleep, locked the bedroom door and stayed fairly quiet. Turns out they aren’t affected and neither were we.
Next night (last night) was a real treat. Next night my play partner had a bad day, and we were supposed to do another solo swap but she wasn’t feeling up to it. I’d had a migraine all day and taken my maximum dosage of vicodin, so I was pretty grumpy just from all the pain medication. Her husband joked “Do I have to send ********* over?” to which I replied I wouldn’t say no. That started a 10 minute conversation between him and my wife, which resulted in wives driving to opposite houses. His wife spent the night with me, and we didn’t go to sleep until 2, since I had to get up at 5. My wife got to enjoy him for a few hours longer, and came home at 615’ish.
She gives me super intense orgasms that are pretty messy. Everybody is having fun and wants more.
We’ve expressed that we aren’t interested in playing with anybody other than them and things continue to go awesome. We’ve got a 5-day length of time coming in August where our kids are out of town with a friend, so I wonder what we will do with all that time…
Until then though, I have to travel to San Diego for work next week.
Descriptions of play dates and interesting observations…
So here’s the summary of the play dates I’ve had. Enjoy and laugh!
Playdate 1 was a burnout. Like bad. We met them on Memorial Day, had a great hangout with them, at the end of the night they asked if we could get a babysitter (to play) we couldn’t. We were going to set something up for the weekend. Monday rolls around: I’m lifting and testing 1 rep max for deadlift that day, so at the end of the day I’m spent. I go donate plasma (cause it pays for babysitters and such stuff) and get a text from bRaving that they want us to come over and play that night. So I’m like ok. We get there: she isn’t into me at all, she’s very awkward about the whole thing. To top it off I had a little bit of vodka to cool my nerves about our first play date. So bRaving kicks things off by making out with her, and eventually I end up kissing her (which she is good at) and we all move upstairs. The girls trade giving eachother oral and at the time the guys got involved in iy bRaving was going down on number 1. So I crawl on the best close to her and she gives me this horrified look and that killed any sexual desire I had in me; then she looks and sees her husband behind my wife and grabs my cock and starts stroking. Some blood goes in and it gets a “little” hard, but not much.
She puts it in her mouth, still soft but it gets hard enough to put in her so I get a condom on. She bends over the bed, clenches her ass and has this weird look of apprehension on her face and my dick stops working period. So long story short, I sat on the sidelines and watched a threesome happen because she wasn’t really into it. Embarassing and humiliating; it took a week to get over feeling like there was something wrong with me, because even my wife couldn’t get me hard that night. However, the deadlifting, plasma donation and her lack of interest in anything to do with me is what was wrong.
Start with number 2:
She was a pleasantly thick girl mid twenties with a very small butt, height-weight proportionate, and 38D breasts. She’s pretty wild, sexually aggressive and passionate. I had good communication with her for a few days up to the play date. Slow getting started but once it did, we were in their living room and she grinded on me while my wife grinded on her husband. After that she ended up giving me head, I went down on her, started fucking her on the couch before everybody moved upstairs into separate bedrooms.
After some time on top she went to get my wife and they gave me a two-girl bj, then they went back to her husband for the same, then she came back to me while my wife stayed with her husband. I fucked number 2 in the ass and came in her mouth. This chic could literally suck a golfball through a garden hose.
It should be noted that we did not meet this couple beforehand, we met them and within an hour I was balls deep in her. Very nice couple, we enjoyed them and they us, we’re trying to make another date happen.
Number 3 is about my height, 5’8 or 5’9 (I’m 5’10). She is a former crossfitter that gained weight and is slowly coming back down while training for powerlifting. She also had rather large breasts and a bunch of tattoos, particularly a tree that started on her left hip and ran around and up to her back and shoulders. She has long hair on the top and shaved the sides and back so it’s more like a mohawk, but you can’t tell unless she bunches that hair up. She is more submissive than I’ve ever really experienced. If she wasn’t faking it, she really liked what I was doing when I went down on her (which I love doing by the way), and was very vocal and animated about it; she pounded the bed and grasped at covers a few times. This play date was interesting because after we went through a few positions and I finished, bRaving and the other man were also finished, we laid on my bed and just cuddled with women in the middle. It should be noted that all 4 of us were in the same room and using the same bed. We really didn’t make contact between the couples, just two couples fucking, sucking or licking on the same bed.
Now number 3 is EXTREMELY responsive, and she warned me of this prior to the play date. Just running my finger tips from her hip, up her side and back to her neck apparently got her worked up a lot. We’re big kissers and so were they, so we spend a significant amount of time smashing faces together passionately (and I mean fucking PASSIONATELY). She also let/asked me to choke her a little while we laid there, which she said she wouldn’t do beforehand, and that turned out to be a really big thing for her. We had sex twice, tried to go for a third but it was just her and the other two were staring at us so I called it.
I had EXTREMELY good communication in the 3 days between first meet and play date, to the tune of literally spending all 3 days at work chatting with her on kik. She allowed me to choke her and spank her during the first play date. Caught her husband a little off guard because of how big trust and control is to her. At one point I was behind her doing my thing, and occassionally spanking her. Since she’s very vocal and VERY RECEPTIVE to what I was doing at one point bRaving, who was laying next to her because they were finished for that round, mentioned that I had been practicing spanking on her. I asked number 3 if it was working and she didn’t break the moaning but her husband said “I think she’s saying yes”. That caused all 4 of us to break out into hysterical laughter mid-fuck. Great time.
Unfortunately due to a bad hang-out experience after that, we might not be able to play with them again, which sucks because I really enjoyed the entire play time experience. We were supposed to hang out with them yesterday but things couldn’t line up. I’m hoping we can repair the bruised egos and get back to being friends that fuck. In summary though if you get a chance to have sex with a crossfitter, or a former crossfitter who is training to be a powerlifter, you should fucking do it.
Number 4 is probably my favorite, I’m not sure if I can put it in to words but I will try.
So in communication with them on Kik they told us that they weren’t married (no problem, not uncommon), had met 3 couples but never played with them before. He is black, she is white, both in their late 30’s. She is very thin, approximately 122 pounds and an a or b cup breasts. She has a bunch of tattoos all over her body. She is a very passionate lover, kisses great, uses her hands great, and smells great. She is the whole package. I’ve never been with a woman who was as small/skinny as she is, so it was a new experience for me. She was also very into the oral I was giving her, and she gives really good head that doesn’t leave my balls aching for a day or two after like number 2 did.
After I went down on her and she went down on me, I leaned forward, got her upright and pulled her down on me for some passionate kissing and embracing before I told her I wanted to be in her; she put the condom on and stayed on top. That girl can fuck from the top. She also seemed to like it when I reached up behind her and grabbed her shoulders, pulling her down on to me when I would trust up. After that I got on top, we had a laugh because I’m used to baby having a little more back, so we had to get a pillow to put under her butt and lift her pelvis up a little bit. Then bent her over the side of the bed and things went a little awry for me after about 10 minutes of her being bent over-it was clear that the meds I am taking for chronic migraines weren’t going to let me achieve orgasm or even stay hard, so I asked for a break, which she was happy before because her head was spinning.
She couldn’t recover from the spinning head so we called it a night after laying next to eachother bullshitting about books, movies and favorite actors. We were in separate rooms and I had her all to myself. At the beginning bRaving and number 4’s boyfriend went back to a bedroom and number 4 and I sat on the couch for a little while longer and talked before she asked me to go back. The way she kissed, touched and moved is probably what made this my favorite. Very sensual, very passionate, all pleasure. A few hours after we left they said the definitely wanted to play again. So I’m working hard to make that one happen.
Among the myriad of potentials we’ve run into, we’ve had to make some priorities over others. We’re a member of a kik group and since we’re “new meat” we get a lot of attention. I think we’ve got a solid core group of couples that we like to play with, so everybody else can get in line.
Observations:
-everybody in the same bed can be fun because two couples having sex can be 4 people having sex (I don’t do man on man), with interaction between the two couples or switching easily.
-separate rooms is much more intimate and I think a better way for first play dates because you get to know your play mate and get comfortable being in that setting with them.
-seeing/hearing my wife pleasure another man and get pleasured by another man is not traumatic like I thought it could be, even when you consider the affairs she’s had during our marriage. Its actually kind hot because I’m not far away doing the same thing
-this has made me feel more confident about expressing what I want about anything, I feel like something that just never came up is now easy to talk about and I don’t feel guilty or ashamed to have certain desires or needs.
With all this swinging, how are Pillars and bRaving doing?
We are doing fine. Thus far we’ve been able to cultivate an atmosphere of trust, respect, open communication and a little bit of mutual privacy so that we can talk to individual play partners; but we also offer the ability to view the other’s phone and see what’s going on. Complete honesty.
The only problem we’re running into is finding a sitter that will come here and “watch” the kids while they sleep for a reasonable fee. Couples to play with aren’t hard to find, and we’ve found 2 gems in the last 2 weeks. I’d guess the other problem was the first couple we played with wanted to know about the 2nd, because the 2nd was really good. Both pale in comparison to the 3rd, which deserve their own blogpost for that 3 hours of epicness.
Play time…
We’ve played with 2 couples so far. We’re starting to be good friends with the first couple, and really good friends with the second. We had our first play time a few weeks ago, our second play time was this past monday evening. We enjoyed couple 2 so much (and they enjoyed us) that we’re getting back together this Sunday.
An interesting note that you might not consider: transitioning from just meeting to hanging out is easy, but going from hanging out to sexy time can be awkward for inexperienced couples like us lol
The girls handled it well, since my wife is heteroflexible (bi, but decidedly can’t do without the dick), the girls made it happen. After they kissed for a minute in another room, they came back in, turned on music and grinded danced provocatively on each other before my wife went to him and his wife came to me to do the same. After that it was a few short minutes and blowjobs from going to separate rooms.
After some fun time alone it evolved into the girls taking turns having threesomes with us before his wife came back to finish me off.
It was an amazing experience that no blog post can do justice.
Tonight I’m having sex with a woman I’m not married to…
And my wife will be having sex with a man she isn’t married to. We’re pretty excited about it; met them yesterday and almost got some play time in but it was REALLY late and our babysitter wasn’t available. This will be the cherry-popping of our swinging lifestyle. Write you tomorrow 🙂
So Swinging…
The wife and I had a conversation last week and we’ve decided that we’re going to try “swinging”. For those not familiar with swinging, it is some variation of having sexual contact with another person, persons, group, all sorts of neat stuff. We had our first meet with a couple this past weekend, the entire point of it was to get to know them, let them get to know us, and enjoy each other’s company. They were pretty cool and we’ve planned to get together in the future. At this point, we’re only meeting people as couples, but willing to accept a single female. We’re open to full swap, soft swap (including oral), and same room sex. That seems like a nice way to start this adventure.
Some of you may wonder what the difference between this and affairs? I wondered why I would not be ok with the affairs, but ok with this as well. The primary difference: trust and consent. I consent to this and can trust her.
Major trigger day came and went
So approximately 5-6 days ago a few years ago occurred an event that was the catalyst for this blog starting, the day when I found out my wife was having affairs. A day or two ago is when we found out she was bipolar; it would be many, many more months before I could fully understand what that meant.
So I’m proud to say that I wasn’t even thinking about the “Discovery Day” anymore and instead concentrated on something much more important: breathing and enjoying my family. Here’s to hoping I can break the chains that have enslaved me around Christmas time. The first time she had a physical affair was 27 December, the day before our wedding anniversary. I don’t blame her anymore; I get it, I have an understanding of what happened and why. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, but I get it.
The Pillars of Her Earth 