Sleep Study Partu Duex

Now I get to go sleep with a CPAP mask on, and the same wire attachment array as before.  I’ll post some pictures tomorrow maybe.
Our 7 year anniversary is next week, and falls on a Friday, which also happens to be my regular day off. I am hoping that I can get through the 27th ok. That is the one year anniversary of “that” day.
We are in a good spot right now. There are some things I would like to see change, but I can wait patiently because when other things get sorted out, the changes I’d like to make may happen automatically. We have been spending good time together lately and watching old Saturday night live episodes.before bed, so we go to sleep after a lot of laughing. Other than seeing the date on the calendar and knowing what happened, and the.occasional thoughts that occur when I’m unoccupied, I have had very little reminder of the affairs and am at a place where I feel like I can really begin to understand how my wife’s symptoms work; what triggers them, what calms them, what worsens them. At the very least I know that she loves massages and hates people on facebook at about 6pm.
Been feeling burned out after work lately. I’m working pretty far outside the established orders and regulations, by necessity, because they don’t cover situations like this. More of a case of not wanting to be the focal point of decisions and responsibility all day long right now. Not just at work, but at home too. It can be frustrating when I’m asked for information from people all day, and pushed for information and decisions by family members. Like a recent road trip: my mom, dad and grandma wanted us to drive to a place 3 hours away from us, because it was closer to them, so they could give the kids their presents. We proposed a place that was a 3 hour drive for them and a 2 hour drive for us. Somebody was driving 3 hours and another was driving 2. Here’s the catch: I had a proctored final on my religious extremism class early that evening, and they wouldn’t be leaving until 11. So we cancelled, and my mom immediately began pushing me for a decision on another meeting place and time, and so did my wife. Eventually a solution presented itself, but not before I got a little disappointed in myself for making the decision to not make a decision (yes, that is a decision you can make-always 3 options in a “this” of “that” choice).

Having a bipolar wife means…

That she will have just as hard of a time dealing wth who she is and what she has done as I will.
That at the very minimum, my life will be very interesting;
That she could not have a better husband than me;
That I will have to be vigilant for us, for the rest of our lives;
That there will be many times where I will like this is impossible to do or that I cannot go any further;
That there will be episodes in the future;
That I will feel like sometimes she doesn’t love me anymore;
That I will not know if anymore affairs happen until she has come to terms with the fact that they did;
That I will spend a significant amount of time worrying about whether or not she is having an affair;
That, despite all the destruction her episodes can cause, I can say as a fact she is the most wonderful woman I will ever meet;
That, despite all the pain she can cause me, I am still blessed to love, and be loved by, her;
That eventually I may want to abandon my vows of marriage to her, even as in her episode she,broke hers to me, but I won’t, because I love her and will not abandon her in her time of need.
I am in my marriage to stay, until she no longer wants me, or no longer wants to uphold her vows when she is not in an episode.
I will be strong for you when you can’t bear the weight of your emotions
I will see for you when the world is a blur in your mind
I will hear for you when the word is a roaring tornado of sound;
I will feel for you when you become detached from the world;
I will be here for you, when all of the world has left you.
I love you.

“I am the Master of my fate; I am the Captain of my soul.”