Descriptions of play dates and interesting observations…

So here’s the summary of the play dates I’ve had.  Enjoy and laugh!

Playdate 1 was a burnout.  Like bad.  We met them on Memorial Day, had a great hangout with them, at the end of the night they asked if we could get a babysitter (to play) we couldn’t.  We were going to set something up for the weekend.  Monday rolls around: I’m lifting and testing 1 rep max for deadlift that day, so at the end of the day I’m spent.  I go donate plasma (cause it pays for babysitters and such stuff) and get a text from bRaving that they want us to come over and play that night.  So I’m like ok.  We get there: she isn’t into me at all, she’s very awkward about the whole thing.  To top it off I had a little bit of vodka to cool my nerves about our first play date.  So bRaving kicks things off by making out with her, and eventually I end up kissing her (which she is good at) and we all move upstairs.  The girls trade giving eachother oral and at the time the guys got involved in iy bRaving was going down on number 1.  So I crawl on the best close to her and she gives me this horrified look and that killed any sexual desire I had in me; then she looks and sees her husband behind my wife and grabs my cock and starts stroking.  Some blood goes in and it gets a “little” hard, but not much.

She puts it in her mouth, still soft but it gets hard enough to put in her so I get a condom on.  She bends over the bed, clenches her ass and has this weird look of apprehension on her face and my dick stops working period.  So long story short, I sat on the sidelines and watched a threesome happen because she wasn’t really into it.  Embarassing and humiliating; it took a week to get over feeling like there was something wrong with me, because even my wife couldn’t get me hard that night.  However, the deadlifting, plasma donation and her lack of interest in anything to do with me is what was wrong.

Start with number 2:

She was a pleasantly thick girl mid twenties with a very small butt, height-weight proportionate, and 38D breasts.  She’s pretty wild, sexually aggressive and passionate.  I had good communication with her for a few days up to the play date.  Slow getting started but once it did, we were in their living room and she grinded on me while my wife grinded on her husband.  After that she ended up giving me head, I went down on her, started fucking her on the couch before everybody moved upstairs into separate bedrooms.

After some time on top she went to get my wife and they gave me a two-girl bj, then they went back to her husband for the same, then she came back to me while my wife stayed with her husband.  I fucked number 2 in the ass and came in her mouth.  This chic could literally suck a golfball through a garden hose.

It should be noted that we did not meet this couple beforehand, we met them and within an hour I was balls deep in her.  Very nice couple, we enjoyed them and they us, we’re trying to make another date happen.

Number 3 is about my height, 5’8 or 5’9 (I’m 5’10).  She is a former crossfitter that gained weight and is slowly coming back down while training for powerlifting.  She also had rather large breasts and a bunch of tattoos, particularly a tree that started on her left hip and ran around and up to her back and shoulders.  She has long hair on the top and shaved the sides and back so it’s more like a mohawk, but you can’t tell unless she bunches that hair up.  She is more submissive than I’ve ever really experienced.  If she wasn’t faking it, she really liked what I was doing when I went down on her (which I love doing by the way), and was very vocal and animated about it; she pounded the bed and grasped at covers a few times.  This play date was interesting because after we went through a few positions and I finished, bRaving and the other man were also finished, we laid on my bed and just cuddled with women in the middle.  It should be noted that all 4 of us were in the same room and using the same bed.  We really didn’t make contact between the couples, just two couples fucking, sucking or licking on the same bed.

Now number 3 is EXTREMELY responsive, and she warned me of this prior to the play date.  Just running my finger tips from her hip, up her side and back to her neck apparently got her worked up a lot.  We’re big kissers and so were they, so we spend a significant amount of time smashing faces together passionately (and I mean fucking PASSIONATELY).  She also let/asked me to choke her a little while we laid there, which she said she wouldn’t do beforehand, and that turned out to be a really big thing for her.  We had sex twice, tried to go for a third but it was just her and the other two were staring at us so I called it.

I had EXTREMELY good communication in the 3 days between first meet and play date, to the tune of literally spending all 3 days at work chatting with her on kik.  She allowed me to choke her and spank her during the first play date.  Caught her husband a little off guard because of how big trust and control is to her.  At one point I was behind her doing my thing, and occassionally spanking her.  Since she’s very vocal and VERY RECEPTIVE to what I was doing at one point bRaving, who was laying next to her because they were finished for that round, mentioned that I had been practicing spanking on her.  I asked number 3 if it was working and she didn’t break the moaning but her husband said “I think she’s saying yes”.  That caused all 4 of us to break out into hysterical laughter mid-fuck.  Great time.

Unfortunately due to a bad hang-out experience after that, we might not be able to play with them again, which sucks because I really enjoyed the entire play time experience.  We were supposed to hang out with them yesterday but things couldn’t line up.  I’m hoping we can repair the bruised egos and get back to being friends that fuck.  In summary though if you get a chance to have sex with a crossfitter, or a former crossfitter who is training to be a powerlifter, you should fucking do it.

Number 4 is probably my favorite, I’m not sure if I can put it in to words but I will try.

So in communication with them on Kik they told us that they weren’t married (no problem, not uncommon), had met 3 couples but never played with them before.  He is black, she is white, both in their late 30’s.  She is very thin, approximately 122 pounds and an a or b cup breasts.  She has a bunch of tattoos all over her body.  She is a very passionate lover, kisses great, uses her hands great, and smells great.  She is the whole package.  I’ve never been with a woman who was as small/skinny as she is, so it was a new experience for me.  She was also very into the oral I was giving her, and she gives really good head that doesn’t leave my balls aching for a day or two after like number 2 did.

After I went down on her and she went down on me, I leaned forward, got her upright and pulled her down on me for some passionate kissing and embracing before I told her I wanted to be in her; she put the condom on and stayed on top.  That girl can fuck from the top.  She also seemed to like it when I reached up behind her and grabbed her shoulders, pulling her down on to me when I would trust up.  After that I got on top, we had a laugh because I’m used to baby having a little more back, so we had to get a pillow to put under her butt and lift her pelvis up a little bit.  Then bent her over the side of the bed and things went a little awry for me after about 10 minutes of her being bent over-it was clear that the meds I am taking for chronic migraines weren’t going to let me achieve orgasm or even stay hard, so I asked for a break, which she was happy before because her head was spinning.

She couldn’t recover from the spinning head so we called it a night after laying next to eachother bullshitting about books, movies and favorite actors.  We were in separate rooms and I had her all to myself.  At the beginning bRaving and number 4’s boyfriend went back to a bedroom and number 4 and I sat on the couch for a little while longer and talked before she asked me to go back.  The way she kissed, touched and moved is probably what made this my favorite.  Very sensual, very passionate, all pleasure.  A few hours after we left they said the definitely wanted to play again.  So I’m working hard to make that one happen.

Among the myriad of potentials we’ve run into, we’ve had to make some priorities over others.  We’re a member of a kik group and since we’re “new meat” we get a lot of attention.  I think we’ve got a solid core group of couples that we like to play with, so everybody else can get in line.

Observations:

-everybody in the same bed can be fun because two couples having sex can be 4 people having sex (I don’t do man on man), with interaction between the two couples or switching easily.

-separate rooms is much more intimate and I think a better way for first play dates because you get to know your play mate and get comfortable being in that setting with them.

-seeing/hearing my wife pleasure another man and get pleasured by another man is not traumatic like I thought it could be, even when you consider the affairs she’s had during our marriage.  Its actually kind hot because I’m not far away doing the same thing

-this has made me feel more confident about expressing what I want about anything, I feel like something that just never came up is now easy to talk about and I don’t feel guilty or ashamed to have certain desires or needs.

Play time…

We’ve played with 2 couples so far.  We’re starting to be good friends with the first couple, and really good friends with the second.  We had our first play time a few weeks ago, our second play time was this past monday evening.  We enjoyed couple 2 so much (and they enjoyed us) that we’re getting back together this Sunday.

An interesting note that you might not consider: transitioning from just meeting to hanging out is easy, but going from hanging out to sexy time can be awkward for inexperienced couples like us lol

The girls handled it well, since my wife is heteroflexible (bi, but decidedly can’t do without the dick), the girls made it happen.  After they kissed for a minute in another room, they came back in, turned on music and grinded danced provocatively on each other before my wife went to him and his wife came to me to do the same.  After that it was a few short minutes and blowjobs from going to separate rooms.

After some fun time alone it evolved into the girls taking turns having threesomes with us before his wife came back to finish me off.

It was an amazing experience that no blog post can do justice.

New Discovery Day: December 9th 2014

BRaving Bipolar went into the hospital on the 7th. I asked on the evening of the 9th if anything had “happened” and she said yes, but she didn’t want to get in to it right then. So I got 2 hours of sleep that night.
On the 10th she confessed to me that since she got back from her solo vacation to San Diego on 18 Nov she had slept with 4 men, 2 of which used no protection.  I was angered until I realized that on the 5th of December, her most recent encounter, I had been suffering a horrible migraine all day and I got up to take care of the kids so she could go do school work. Instead, she got dolled up, fucked a dude, maybe did some of her college work and went to her support group.

So I feel really ugly, inadequate, small in the world, disgusting, vulnerable, angry and confused. Right back to the beginning of where I was when I started this blog 2 and a half years ago.

Trip I just took to Pensacola

Just got back from Pensacola night before last.  Spent all day yesterday sleeping with a migraine.  Went to a conference down there all last week, which was basically a paid war-stories kind of vacation, although there were some good bits of knowledge that I came out with.  I’m sure experience varies.

As part of the conference we got to visit the Museum of Naval Aviation, and it was pretty cool!  I will get the pictures uploaded to this blog later this week.  My grandmother had a fall while walking with my mom, and is now in the hospital with brain bleeding.  She’s got some bleeding in the front, back, and side of the left hemisphere.  They really aren’t saying what they’re gonna do, if she will recover, and what “recover” actually means compared to what normal was before the fall.  She is paralyzed on her right side, which I would think indicates a stroke, but they’re not sure what happened.

I haven’t really talked to my wife about it yet, but I find myself with more of a “don’t care” mindset.  That isn’t to say I don’t care about my grandmother, she was always a part of my life because she lived 15 minutes away from where I grew up, so we saw her at least once a week.  I guess my mindset is more of “she’s lived a long life, she spent 4 of the last 5 years taking care of her dying mother, I’ll see her again” kind of mindset.  I don’t have to try to not be sad about this, I can honestly celebrate her when she dies (whether it be soon because of this, or later because of something else).  I’ll be a little sad because I’ll miss her, but when it is time, it is time.

Speaking of the wife, she seems to be doing good on her new med.  I’m gonna have to get the title and list some of them out here for you guys at some point.  We had a long talk about hospitalization last week before I left.  She expressed the desire to check herself in to a hospital during her last depressed a few weeks ago, so I wanted to get information about where she wanted to go, and what we needed to do to check her in there.  Felt kinda morbid, but I needed to know.  In the meantime, our sex drives have flip-flopped.  I have almost no interest in it, and she has a high interest in it.  Sigh.  We joked about how we always flip-flop, and I said that hopefully we would one day “flap” and have the same sex-drive at the same time.  LoL

She wants me to show her how to lift using a barbell at the gym.  This will be fun because I love lifting, and she wants to try something new.  We’re doing bench press, squat, and seated overhead press today.

In my search for a good holster for my new-to-me Glock 17, I’m probably going to buy kydex sheets and make my own.  I can make, at a cost to me of about 40 bucks, the same holster that another company makes that costs 130 bucks.

The Mental Health Stigma is alive and well in the military

This post graced my Facebook timeline today. It was made by a Staff Sergeant (E-6) in the Marine Corps. I know the guy, he’s the douchebag that got 2 people hurt so bad that one lost his arm and one with an extremely bad TBI. I digress.

The first comment is mine. The second comment is someone I’ve never met. If you think the military is doing a good job of erasing the stigma against mental health issues, you’re mistaken. It will take another 8 years before the NCOs and SNCOs (E-4 through E-7) have cycled out and are no longer in a position to treat Marines like this. Back in 2006 they still punished you if you had a mental health issue and couldn’t “fit in” like everyone else. Got demons and drink? NJP.

Clearly you aren’t responsible enough to take care of yourself, so fuck you, I’m going to take half of your pay, put you on restriction and extra duty. That will teach you to not have demons. I’m so sick of the zero-defect mentality; it is a delusion that kicking people out for these issues will make the Corps better in the short term or the long term. If you send the message that someone with a mental health issue, like PTSD, or TBI (TBIs do have an effect on the function of the brain, and can lead to depression, anger management problems, and cognitive errors) will be kicked out, those with the issues will no longer tell you because of the fear of being kicked out. This causes Marines to suffer for years, hiding their injury and living in shame that they are hurting and cannot confide in anyone. Their performance will degrade, and they may or may not spiral out of control. Ultimately their loyalty is not to the organization, it is to themselves-and why should it be to the organization when the organization would kick them to the curb because they were mentally injured doing what the organization asked them to do?

Have faith, however, because the 2nd commenter that I don’t know serves with the aforementioned douchebag, so there are people out there who will defend you if the shit goes down. Some people seek out the military because they get authority and they get paid to act like douchebags to people who cannot quit their job. The original poster is that guy.

Update to the depression…

Talked to her doctor, and the doctor thinks that bRaving’s night of drinking temporarily altered her brain chemistry.

So far she’s on her way back up and as near as I can tell, it’s going well.

We talked a little bit about how her depression was affecting her, and she mentioned that she had suicidal ideations. Of course, that term may mean something different for each person, so I asked her to explain. I won’t list the explanation here, because I think that’s a bit too personal and not really my info to tell. Suffice to say, I was a little shocked, but in a good way, at least now I know.

So, she recently picked up more work with her at-home job of social media management. I’m proud of her and I hope we can deal with the stress of catching up history with her new clients. 3 of my classes are ending tomorrow, 2 more started on the 1st of August. Those 2 new classes are the last of my major, and will end on 15 October. On 1 October I will start 2 more classes, the last 2 classes of my undergrad, and will officially be done with my undergrad on 15 December.

I’ve been working at it 1 or 2 classes at a time, from scratch, for 7 years. I don’t know how I’ll feel after I get it.

Bipolar affects more than the person diagnosed…

bRaving went to her support group party this past weekend, and I was sick so I stayed home.  At this party she had 9 shots of Fireball whiskey, and came home a VERY sad drunk; tears and everything.  The next day she was extremely depressed.  

Reminded me of the manic cycle we had in 2011-2012.  Fucking sucked.

I’d been worried all day Sunday and a bit the last few days.

Mostly my own emotional reactions to a reminder from how bad it was back then when we didn’t know what was going on, but also an extreme feeling of…

Helplessness…

I felt like I couldn’t do anything but let it happen.

On this episode of “Having a Bipolar Spouse”…

I figured it was about time I updated everybody on having a bipolar spouse, since this blog is kinda about being married to someone who is bipolar.

Well, I think that I’ve compensated for things that trigger what I’ll call negative feelings. As I think about the things I do to facilitate and comfortable environment for bRaving, I would think that good husbands do the same things; sadly I fear that many husbands do not.

So here is a list of things (off the top of my head) that I do:
-look and listen to her for indications that something is “wrong”

-provide comedic relief in the form of funny pictures from the internet and random statements that she finds humorous now, but not several years ago when we got married

-provide relief by massage

-provide relief by helping her organize thoughts and plans

-provide relief by giving her space and time to be alone, or do whatever she wants

-provide relief by loving her and not leaving

This isn’t an exhaustive list, just some of the more important ones. I’m sure she would say there is more, and I’m sure there s, but this is a good start. Most of these are generally effortless, I don’t have to think about them.

Remembering the shock of it all…

I was just talking to bRaving Bipolar on the phone about our trip through bipolar land since she’s been diagnosed in April 2012, and a little before that since she had a manic episode starting in December 2011.  

 

I slowly saw my life come apart around me and I wondered what had happened to me that I missed all of the gradual changes that made everything from what it was when we got married, to what it was when she started having the manic episode.  It was as if I woke up and in my mind had missed years of the marriage and she was angry with me.  I could never do anything right, I was unattractive (she told me this, more than once, fucking ouch), and I spent every evening she was at work (5 or 6 a week) literally trying to figure out how to change myself or do things differently to make her happier and to make her want me and love me again.  

 

The rational thought never crossed my mind that something was wrong with her until mid January when we were conversing about something and she mentioned that she would have sex with other men if I didn’t have a problem with her doing it because it was “just sex”, there was no emotion involved.  Now I could’ve reacted a few different ways, and I haven’t always reacted the best to new information from her.  Realistically, berating your spouse for having a fantasy is probably a good way to NOT hear about the rest of them.  I think my cold, tingly internal feeling and “what the fuck?” was more appropriate having been told in the last month how wrong I was doing things and how unattractive I was-I felt threatened and I’d just heard that the only reason she wasn’t having sex with other men was because it would offend me.  In my head, if her reasoning had fallen to making me responsible for that choice, eventually she’d make the choice on her own and do it anyway.

 

A few weeks later she was spending a TON of time on her phone and sitting in ways that I couldn’t see the screen.  It was weird because she was getting emails or texts at a rate faster than I could count (which I later found out, was at a rate faster than she could count either, even in her manic state).  That lasted into the evening, I woke up and saw her on the phone in the middle of the night, and the same thing the entire next day.  I went to the store to get something and saw a weird email address that had the phone number as the name, and it was a number I didn’t recognize.  I had the password to her gmail accounts, so I checked out the inbox: nothing unusual; checked out the sent items: bingo.  She’d sent some sexy pictures of herself to an address I hadn’t seen before, but could piece together because it was the month and day of her birth (in 4-digit format) and her initials.  I convinced her to put the kids to bed, grabbed her phone and opened her gmail app; nothing.  Opened the browser, saw the gmail and subject lines, and died inside.  

 

The 2 months after that were probably the weirdest months of my life.  I don’t know that I have words to describe them.  I was in such a state of emotional shock that I would cry while driving to work, and dread coming home, but I was “happy” that we weren’t getting a divorce and that I was reaching out and getting a little revenge on one of those mother fuckers she was emailing who violated my sleeping area; not a physical violation.  On top of this she had started to tell me about her hypersexuality, which I had kinda been experiencing (finally, I felt attractive again!) but we didn’t know what it was, only that she was so sexually excited by anybody that showed interest that she would shake (her words).  

 

The only way that I can think of to describe it is being completely numb to the world without being drunk, not caring about anything that goes on around you, laughing at inappropriate situations, and happily embracing the impending doom with a Heath-Ledger’s-joker-like smile.  Madness.  

 

At the end of the 2 months she was acting weird again and writing excessive amounts in her “therapy” journal, and the next day it wasn’t laying about in the open like it usually was, so I figured some shit was going down, or was about to go down, and something was in the journal that I should know.  I read the journal, found out about the affairs, and felt my emotional heart beat for the first time in months.  I was PISSED THE FUCK OFF.  The next day we went to see her therapist, a previously scheduled appointment, and her psychiatrist, and she was diagnosed bipolar.  I really didn’t give a shit at the moment, I was still dealing with my own feelings.  I probably shouldn’t have gone with her.  It took me a few days, but I did finally start to read about what bipolar was and what that meant for us and our kids.

 

Anyways, I’m going to get back to slaying kids on Battlefield 4 and wait for bRaving to come home from dinner with her bipolar support group.  It’s so nice to have everybody back under the same roof again 🙂

Revisiting Massage for Bipolar

I’ve been getting a lot of visits on the “Massage for Bipolar” post lately and I’d like to revisit the topic a little bit.  

Massage is not the end-all tool for maintenance; there has to be some stability, and some other forms of release.  What makes massage so special for us is that it is spontaneous, it is also used as a way of showing affection, and it accompanies a period of freedom from responsibility from household duty for personal reflection or general “I do what I want!”.  

Rushing through a massage is a bad idea; rushing to try to find the techniques that your loved one enjoys most is also a bad idea.  It takes weeks or months to figure it out, and it takes intense concentration.  If you are giving a massage you shouldn’t check out and let your hands run on autopilot.  You need to find enjoyment in making them feel good.